Legendary - War of the Gods

Brief Description/Disclaimer
For strangers who peek.

This game follows (rather poorly) the latest ruleset of Dungeons and Dragons (unofficially called its 5th Edition). It is based on a “remix” of the Olympic Pantheon and a mish-mash of Ancient Grecian and Roman geography and history (which a little Nordic and Egyptian flavoring thrown in). As such, things may not make too much sense if you know anything about any of that stuff. I assure you there is a working cosmology somewhere…and that the sprinkling of various historical and mythological figures is done by someone who is an ardent follower of all that stuff.

Except “Edith Hamilton’s Mythology.” That book took all the fun out of “Clash of the Titans.”

Legendary Session 1
a. k. a. I wasn't taking good notes.

Legendary Session 1:

We return back after the zombie attack and Demecritus tells us that the caravan contained orichalum which can make a weapon that can kill gods.

There’s a civil war between Zeus Big-Dick and his companions versus Hecatate and the dark gods; Hectate is all “blah blah blah, kill Zeus”

Demecritus gives us rewards to fight the evil gods.
Rings of Protection +1 AC and Saving Throws
Short Sword +1. Chainmail +1

During the individual scenes, we all get attacked by different assassins. Eyms is a badass in the prison, getting a natural crit kicking off the wall and doing a huracanrana.

Legendary Session 2 Recap
This time I was paying attention

Legendary Session 2:
Democritus said to go in to salt mines during Noon when they are living their double lives.

We go to the salt mines and there are some “city guards” guarding the doors. After some initial attempts at getting in by bluffing, Bariq flashes the unholy symbol of Hecate and they let us pass. We walk down and luckily Eyms finds a pit trap just before Bariq steps in.

After navigating the trap, we find sleeping cultists. After a little bit of a moral quandry, Bariq shanks one of the poor dudes in his sleep. But the rest wake and fighting ensues. Mitzusa lights everyone on fire and we win. We slaughtered the poor, downtrodden dregs of the city. Eyms feels shame as a bonus action, but only until he gets to the next room where he finds the cultists were drinking blood in the dining hall.

However, in the next room, we find the last cultist has committed ritual suicide, activating two bad ass golems. We run and gun until we get backed up against the wall where we kill them. In the heads of the psychopomp golems, we found 4 minor gems (simple crystals, like 10gp each) Mitzusa finds halflings who baked the delicious cultist bread. We free them and they say they’re missing their friends. We find a room filled with other chained halflings and humans. Eyms has a flashback to his days in the arena and almost flips out and kills people, but Bariq manages to talk him out of it. Instead Eyms has a flashback with Paint It Black playing in the background. Bariq also finds a chest filled 110 and a scroll Mitzusa recognizes as Disguise Self.

Bariq finds a minor beholder, a Spectator who has gone mad from being left alone for so long who has splintered into 5 personalities (and growing). Vadero, Vadero, Vadero, Vaderough, and Vadero (pronounced Nancy). We manage to get his riddle and somehow hire him. We find the following:
2300 copper
500 silver
200 electrum.

And then we burst through a door (well, Eyms bursts through the door like the Kool Aid man). We find a sarcophagus with sigils to Hecate. Eyms kicks it open and engages in combat with the undead corpse of the witch who we fought before. After killing her, we find
3200 copper pieces,
100 gold,
and a pouch containing 32 copper pieces and a copper (cock ring) of protection.

And then we find a wererat fuckden. Eyms gets bit and we don’t know what that means, but then we find:

17 copper
5 gold
3 turqoise gems (15 gp each similar but different from the psychopomps)
an unrecognized holy symbol.

After we get out, we find the mayor of Thrace and he offers us a 33% share of the salt mines and we convert our stuff into 393 gold plus the stake in the mine.

Democritus removes the curse and we get sent on a mission to Hyperborea.

The Dictator

The Legionnaire stood beside the Dictator, looking down upon the map. Roman legions, represented by wolf-headed tokens, seemed scattered. Rebellions had to be put down, and it was thinning the line. Worse, the Legionnaire had heard of the Dictator’s habit of ‘shooting the messenger’ when it came to those with bad news. Whether it was true or not, he could not say. But it was the best way to instill loyalty (and fear) into the cohorts.

“The Danube has always represented trouble for the Republic, General Sulla. Above and below that cursed river lie enemies of Rome. The Grecians fight the inevitable; already we have made numerous city-states provinces…and yet they still keep fighting. They call down the wrath of the antiquated deities. They fight to the last man. And when they know the totality of their defeat, the survivors prefer suicide to capture. Our coffers are running low. We need to find more resources to fuel our war machine, lest it turn on itself and…”

“And…what,” the Dictator said, looking up to the Legionnaire. “What exactly do we have to fear from militias and mercenaries…from heretics and slaves? Nothing. I have led the legions to victory after victory. The men here worship me as if I am truly the Son of Mars the Senate has proclaimed me to be. If the legions are scattered and their hopes are waning…send word for them to join us here.”

The Legionnaire seemed relieved…surely the Dictator had spent all morning and afternoon coming to this simplest, boldest of conclusions. And surely he would need numerous messengers to spread the word…so maybe he wasn’t doomed.

“General…that is a brilliant idea. Of course the borders will be weakened….we may lose some plebs and settlements to the barbarians…but it will ultimately draw the enemies of Rome to us…as our victories will be too numerous to ignore.”

“Of course. And we will honor every loss of Roman life with a hundred. Our first sacrifices will be from,” the Dictator looked down onto the map once more. He noticed one city-state that had always been a thorn to any Empire’s side.

“Sparta. We will break the will of the Grecians by annihilating its greatest soldiers. And those that wish to be spared will either join the Republic…or face total destruction. Send word, leave at once. I am in need of counsel. Send for the priestess. Have guards posted outside my tent. I desire privacy.”

The Legionnaire nodded, and saluted the Dictator before fleeing. Two figures quickly entered the tent, before two Praetorian Guards blocked the entrance. One was clad in sheer black robes; a symbol of the Goddess Trivia hung from her neck. On a chain, she was pulling a slave girl who, despite her low status, was dressed in fine clothing and had no dirt soiling her pale skin.

“You called, noble one?” The priestess cooed, and though her features were alluring, it was the slave girl whom drew all of the Dictator’s attention.

“Yes…but what is this,” he responded.

“A gift…we can commune with the Gods soon enough. But for now…you must take what is yours.”

The girl, not understanding the language they spoke, saw the hunger in the Dictator’s eyes and immediately thought she knew what was going to happen. As she braced herself, she felt the priestess let go of the chain. As she turned to stare at the dark figure, she found the Dictator grasp onto her and, with but a stare, lull her into submission. Returning his gaze, she muttered the nicest words in her language she could remember. He smiled, bearing his teeth to her…many of which became sharp as daggers right before he tore into her neck.

Her blood flew everywhere, staining the map and his fine garments. When a drop found its way onto the priestess’s robes, she merely smiled before picking it off.

“Praise Trivia,” she said, as the blood turned into a green vapor from the tip of her finger.

The Hungry Dead

blood_river.jpg The corpse awoke in a stream, the running water burning its flesh and causing it to yelp before it rushed out. Its gaze was overwhelmed with the sight of the mortal realm; it had been something the corpse thought it would never see again. Only this time, it was different. The fields looked gray and dry, like a brush fire could take out the whole area. The tents in the distance looked ragged, the Roman flag they flew looked tattered. A torrent of memories overwhelmed the corpse’s thoughts, its last. The Roman general defiling her body as it took her blood; the guards picking up her dead body and tossing it in the stream that the many of them had been pissing and shitting in; the entire legion picking up camp and leaving the grounds worse for wear. Only the stragglers were still in her sight, and upon realizing who they were, the corpse got angry. And hungry.

With strength it didn’t recognize it had, the corpse leapt to its feet. It began shambling toward them, at first, before it got better footing and began to sprint. Its senses were greater than they ever had been when it drew breath; but the only sights and sounds that lacked decay were living persons, whose hearts pumped delectable vitae throughout their weaker, pathetic forms. When it picked up two familiar smells, the corpse stopped, and quickly scrambled up the nearest tree. The lack of moonlight made it easier to hide its horrid form, and the wind blew any scent of decay away from the two Romans as they made their way to the tree. Though clad in their armor, they both lacked any weaponry. The only thing they carried was a cask of wine, which they alternated taking swigs of.

Their language was obscene to her, even though she knew none of its words. All she could feel was hatred for the foreigners who took her from her home while her husband and sons were butchered, and hunger. The hunger for Roman blood quickly replaced any pleasant memories in her consciousness, as the images of her fallen loved ones faded to the Elysian Fields. When one of the Romans stepped in front of the tree she was hiding in to take a piss, he looked up to the sky and was greeted by her divine vengeance.

The legionnaire was knocked to the ground as the corpse’s maw opened wide and bit into his throat. Unlike the pleasurable consumption that had befallen her, the Roman was pained by what felt like thousands of arrowheads puncturing his skin, and robbing his body of its essence. He reached for his compatriot as the life was drained before him, only to see the other legionnaire fleeing for his life. The corpse looked up, before collapsing her meal’s skull with a single, balled-up fist. It then began to chase after him, before something made it stop.

“Let him go…None will believe him, and his cohorts will turn against him,” the voice shrieked. She did not recognize it, yet it was comforting to her despite the high pitch. Her hunger subsided, though her fury did not. She turned to the corpse of the Roman, and began to strip it of its armor. Though it fit loosely on her, it afforded her more protection than the rags it was murdered in did. She then picked up the corpse, and carried it to the stream she had been left in. She knew not if it would rise as she did, but she did not care. Either way, the voice would be pleased.

Dreams of a Dead God

Humanity is but dirt and wind.
From the titans came the earth that makes them, as all of the soil are from Gaia.
From the gods came the divine spark that gives them life, as all who draw breath are from the Divine.
Yet neither of these substances are as powerful as the faith which gods good and evil draw their true strength.
Zeus sits on his throne, high above all, content to rule in absentia the hearts and minds of the mortals he claims to have birthed.
Hades sits on his throne, in the realm below, watching his kingdom grow with every last breath and every burial.
Ares relishes in commanding hundreds of thousands to conquer in his name, seeking to end his brethren on the battlefield.
Athena sees mortals as pawns, unknowing and unwilling, undoing the centuries of order in the name of power over each other.
Apollo spreads the light, by his sister’s side, to those mortals who are worthy of such burning wisdom.
Hecate spreads the darkness, by allies who do not understand each step is down a path set by her evil.
All the while, God and Goddess revels, taking power from their most devout in exchange for temporary reprieve from damnation.
All the same, Titans and Fiends rise, becoming new deities for those of lapsed faith and little hope to sacrifice at the altar of.
And so it is better to sleep, to dream.
For there will come a time when the cries,
Of man and ‘god’ will stir those ancients that sleep.
And woe unto the world when each crime is punished.

Final Entry
Unknown Author

The Romans have besieged the town for a week now; our supplies have spoiled and I suspect more than a few traitors who have sold the town to the Legions. We are sure to fall.
My family has fled, but I fear they will be captured and enslaved by the Legions. I have suggested that we make a last stand so that they may have time to flee.
Though I may die, I pray to the Gods that my sacrifice will be enough to deliver them from the Legions’ evil.

Legendary Session 3
Legendary with a Vengence

We buy a 15 gold on a chest with a lock and spend 3 gold on rations.

So, Democritus’s smith friend travelled up the trade road north to Seuthopolis, and asks us to stop by the Abderrian Legion on our return (We still need to unlock this DLC).

The comely mayor of the city offers us another 200 gold as down payment and is about to send us on our way when a half-elf druidess who we recognize as one of the prisoners we saved from the salt mine. She asks to join the party because her druid sisters were sent as part of the slave trade to the north. Mitzusa doesn’t mind so much, Bariq is all about having more holy symbols to steal, and Eyms is all about helping save slaves from the horrors he went through.

We arrive at Seuthopolis after resetting the password with Vadero. Eyms didn’t write it down. There, they hear word of beastmen attacks on the road. Eyms goes looking for more information, but he bungles his speech so the shopkeeper totally thinks he’s coming in as a competitor, so he gets told to get out. He then intimidates the shopkeeper. Do not threaten Eyms. He doesn’t like bullies. Bariq gets better results and finds out that the beastmen attacks are coming from the north.

Bariq and Mitzy try to swindle some folks in coins while Eyms isn’t watching them. With that money, Bariq gets everyone a room, which Eyms searches thoroughly and finds an old book with oddly racist overtones that Eyms doesn’t pick up on. Bariq picks up a 4, but just has a good time.

On the road north, we encounter a bunch of goaty-hooved halfings, or satyrs, arguing with a minotaur, Osgow. The minotaur is trying to tell them to remember to bury all treasure here, bossing them around, and in generally being a jerk. The minotaur is a jerk, and a strong jerk. He brushes Eyms’s tough guy stance aside to get in Bariq’s face and demands the party treasure to pay for Pan’s Revelry. Eyms doesn’t respond to well to this sack of bullshit, but Bariq tells him to sheathe it for a bit, and tells the minotaur that the treasure is in the wagon. This a clever ruse to get Vadero involved in the fight. Eyms does his new fighter shit, Bariq uses his new Force Lightning type powers, and Mitzusa takes a while to get going, but she soon starts shooting off firebolts like the damn 4th of July and zaps the satyrs and beef. Zia heals. Osgow runs off when he’s nearly dead, and the satyrs promise to back off if we kill the minotaur, which we do.

The satyrs offer to initiate us to the cult of Pan, but only Bariq takes them up on this. The rest wait in the wagon. Meanwhile, Bariq goes all Bacchanalia, and drinks the blood of the satyrs in the wine. The party is going great, there are nymphs stacked like cordwood for him, but it suddenly takes a turn for the worse and Bariq has a vision of a three-head dragon who unleashes a gout of flame at him. The rest of the party has a brief glimpse of this in their sleep, but doesn’t awaken. Bariq wakes up with the mother of all hangovers, and also wakes up in the center of a circle of ash. Eyms curses him out for nearly burning down the forest. Ignorance is bliss for Eyms Artcus.

In city of Serdica, it’s Epicurean, and Eyms is disgusted. Mitzusa “tithes” at the temple of Aphrodite and gets a free ride as she’s frank with the priestess; she also finds out she’s “taller” than a Northman. Bariq has fun with the Pan, gets drunk, and pumps the priestess for information. There, he finds out that a) he’s a better lover than her husband, and b) there are rumors of undead in the woods. So he goes charging over to his buddy Eyms who he knows will totally want to kill these undead. By the way, Bariq is still drunk. Oh, and Eyms finds out that the Sons of Mars (who the fuck are they??!) liked this town.

So we go charging into the woods, and there we find a lost legion of zombie Romans. See, the Sons of Mars aligned with the Dictator for Life, Sulla.
Gaius Marius fought against Sulla. The Marian loyalists swore an oath to Herakules to defend against the god of war, Mars. The Marian Legions would have routed them, but Sulla called upon the power of Trivia (Bariq burns at the mention of Trivia) and raised his fallen forces as zombies and took the field. These zombies were Marianists, and only their iron discipline (maybe?) rose them from the dead. They told us this and started marching off back towards Roma, and Bariq and Eyms just kinda looked at each other and were like, “So… that’s okay then? Job done?” And then we left.

We go to Krobyzoi and find it a burnt husk with sacrificial pyres. A message was sent. Tscho Vulpanomi was also slaughtered, but this slaughtering was more of a terrorizing and pillaging.

And then we find a bunch of Roman Legion dicks and Bariq lets Eyms do the talking, which means he didn’t back down from their intimidation. Also, Jason learned to hate new spells from 5E.

Then comes a group of orcs attacking on the outskirts of Commorium, all glowing green. We kick ass, and Eyms is almost dropped (2 hp). Then a wave of worg-riders come in and luckily we have the Northmen storm the thing and save us. They tell us the smith has been taken to Jorgumund’s Belly and the Hel Orcs are going to try to use his divine blood to raise Jorgumund from the dead.

Tallies for gear and such.
8 javelins and expertly made gladii
640.7 gold, much in strange minting
and 3 healing potions.

4300 exp

Of Serpent and Slave
The Corruption of Megalopolis

tell-asmar-statues-ED.jpg“We cannot overcome.”

The last remnants of Megalopolis’ rebellion had grown desperate and hungry. Their supplies were long gone, and the increase in city guard had made small-time liberation of rations next to impossible without raising suspicion. Crime had all but vanished, thanks to the rather serpentine bolster to the polis’ defenses. That did not mean that vice and depravity had gone away; the newest members of the population seemed to encourage moral degeneration. More citizens were falling prey to indulgence, and this in turn robbed the thinned-ranks of the rebellion potential recruits.

“We have already had our own families either imprisoned or turned against us. Our names are associated with the worst criminals and traitors of history. And for what?”

Before the slithery forces from the Southern Continent had completed their infiltration, Megalopolis had received word that the Romans were coming. Spies, either in the employ of the city’s or running from the legions, had let the government know that they sought a base camp for their eventual siege of Sparta. While the polis could last for many months if besieged, the Romans did not want to waste time or energy gaining another province that wasn’t its prime target. Military victory would be easier than taking Sparta but also give its forces time to prepare, and study the instruments of war they would bring to the nation of soldiers.

“My family has lost sons and daughters in this rebellion, more than any of you. To admit surrender would shame everything they sacrificed. But would no defeat do the same?”

And so the Roman dignitaries offered the ruling council an olive branch – accept province status, and our praetor, and you will all be spared. Lacking a true military, what else could they do? Roman savagery was terrible to behold, and all but guaranteed death of every citizen. But the Romans were kind to their allies, and the legions had soldiers of every race. They let their subjects worship who they wanted, and defended their borders as long as tribute, in coin or soldier, was paid. More importantly, they let them retain their culture. Was there really a choice?

“We must abandon our city; we must go where there are allies that will have us. Because there is nothing here but memory and death.”

The Praetor chosen was even a descendant of the local aristocracy, albeit one from the Southern Continent. Typhonicus ruled justly, but allowed for exiles and refugees to stay at the behest of the Romans. They quickly made things in the city better; their exotic pleasures were unlike anything offered by any Grecian, while their vile soldiers protected the city from monsters sent by the Gods to reclaim it for its people. Soon the monster stopped coming, but the Serpents did not. They led the worship of foreign gods, gods of dark majesty and intoxicating ritual. Those that would not participate were sent to the fort’s dungeons, and never seen again.

“If we beg mercy of our enemies, they will give us none. Yet we cannot defeat them without powerful allies. And so, we, the true sons and daughters of Megalopolis, must flee the Catacombs and find a miracle. May the Gods help us.”

Soon it was hard to tell the difference between man and serpent; the polis’ new gods marked all in the city who did not resist. The serpents and their corrupted followers killed the rest. And though it was comprised of the strongest and smartest of the polis, the rebellion failed.

Legendary Session 4
The Quest for Peace

The dwarves lead us into the city of Commorium. It’s not that much to speak of, until the dwarves lead us down to the great portal that leads into mountain where they make their home.

The majority of people of Commorium seem not to be hearty fighters, but seem to be refugees, rather.

The City Guard is called the Sons of Thor.

The leader of the war council is Helena, leader of the northern Commorium tribes. She tells us they have been fighting Hel Orcs for a while now, and have managed pyrrhic victories and have the Hel Orcs on the ropes; the dwarves feared that the Hel were seeking allies.

At which point, Bariq tells the council that they’ve likely found allies in the Sullan legions.

The dwarves are planning an assault on Jorgumundir’s Belly, and they offer us a chance to enter from the rear. Like, literally, up the butt of the dead dragon, and we’re sent in there to disrupt their generals and extract the hostages.

Since we’re going in the ass, Bariq wants to be prepared and have a lot of lubrication, by which he means lamp oil. 200 pounds of oil. Bariq spends 22 gold out of his pocket to hire some hirelings to purchase and carry it.

As we approach the cloaca, we notice a noxious green slime on the edge. Guess what? It’s a green slime that’s coalescing. We lob a few flasks of oil at it, and Mitzusa lights it up.

In room 1, Bariq recoups his losses as he checks a bunch of skeletons and finds a bunch of coins.

In room 2, it smells terrible, and we hear a bunch of whispers. Bariq recognizes it as the same kind of whispers that came with the zombies of our first adventure. Suddenly, skeletons!

52 gp of old gold.

As we get to room 3, it is less intestines and more stomach. Also more skeletons. Luckily they’re dead and we find 20 gold. In room 7, Bariq goes first and finds the womb of the beast and finds three dragon eggs.

From there, Eyms bursts through a door, breaking on through to the other side, which is a slave pit, where a huge orc (Bursk) is watching a bunch of slaves mine the titan’s blood. And then he calls in his brother, Lursk. We kick ass with our backs to the walls, and then free the slaves (Bariq breaks his lockpicks, but Eyms finds a key ring). We are all set to loot some bodies, but instead a zombie wurm eats one of the freed slaves in the room behind us.

We fight it, but Eyms gets dropped as usual. But somehow, Eyms gets mystically back up and fucks some shit up. Shut up, don’t ask questions. Then we go back and loot the bodies where we find 46 gold and 2 suits plate mail and great axes.

Bariq manages to charm another taskmaster and frees a bunch of slaves, one of whom says that her daughter, Zhoola, is being forced to fight with the orcs.

Decius Siddius Pastor, a Marian Legionaire, is found frozen to the walls. We manage to free him, and we gain a temporary ally.

We find another room, and Bariq magehand digs through poop and finds 150 gp, a bell, whistle, and magnet. Also, a desicated fairy in a bottle, but Bariq breaks it up.

We move into room 20, which has frozen Jogurmundir organs, all carved up.

We move into a room that has zombie wurm has regurgitated in, which is called essence. Zia makes some healing potions from it.

We find the task master that Bariq charmed, and kick Wursk’s ass.

6600 exp

We later find an armory with crude weapons forged from Titan’s Blood (adamantine). 7 regular spears, 2 +1 Spears, 5 hand axes, 1 +1 Handaxe, 4 maces, 1 +1 mace, 1 shield +1.

And then we kick down another door into the war room where the Hel Orcs Fursk and Dursk are meeting with the Romans. Bariq finds the dwarf’s daughter in there, and lets her know her mom is safe. She starts lighting up the room with fireballs, but this earns her the eyre of the Romans and the Hel Orcs. She dies. We clean up, having shattered an alliance between the Sullan legion and the Hel Orcs. We find a ledger that says that a last legion of Hel Orcs led by the last Ursk brother, Zursk, is on its way to siege Sparta with Sullan Legions. It was also sent with a bunch of slaves, likely Zia’s sisters, and the smith.
Dun dun dun!


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