Legendary - War of the Gods

Always War

“You’ve always been a disappointment, Bariq.”

“…I know, Voivode. I was always found wanting by the Great Mother.”

“Fear not, Bariq…you are not beyond redemption. There is one more place you may find the strength needed to help me best the Conqueror’s forces.”

Bariq kept kneeling, until he stood up and looked at the Voivode.

“The Cathedral?”

“You will be safe there, but you will also be reshaped into something greater. If you survive.”

“What choice do I have?”

“What choice we always have.”

Bariq nodded, and sullenly made his way to the exit of the throne room. As he went outside, he looked upon the walls. Hundreds of soldiers were manning them, their bows aimed at the outside. He looked to the path leading to the exit, and saw a great war beast being constructed upon the last earthen impaler, where the former voivode was once eternally tortured. And he listened to the sounds of constant war, sighing at the thought that maybe the heroes did nothing to break the cycle, as they thought.

He pulled up the hood of his cloak and faded from view. It was easy enough to escape from the castle when no one could see. The trek to the Cathedral of Flesh would be more harsh, though thankfully none of the Conqueror’s forces would see him.

Hopefully, there would be some knowledge left in its halls. Not for him, but for those who were once his friends. Because what’s happening would only draw the attention of those things beyond the mountain.

The Primordials.

War. War Never Changes.
The Epilogue

In the days after the death of the Olympians, the Heroes of the North each went their separate ways. Electa, denied her promised rewards by the spirit of Ares, journeyed to Carpathia, to sponsor the Uranian Brotherhood’s bid for power. They were a fertile ground, weak and leaderless, where she could create a cult of battle to send again and again against the Blood Knights and the Vyvod. Above it all, she stood watch, tactically ensuring that the stalemate was never ended, and that blood drenched the lands.

Eyms and Tuber journeyed to the lands of the Northmen, where Eyms stopped at the city of New Tscho Vulpanomi. He stayed among the half-orcs there, training them and establishing the city. He founded a monastery of philosopher-warriors, dedicated to a great Logos. For he had seen an ordered multiverse, and strove to protect this world from all that would come. In time, he and select members of his order travelled south, spreading the word. In Abderos, he found willing ears in the previously emptied temples of Herkules. In Sparta, many joined his banner, though they were weary of battle. It was here where he heard of the constant troubles among the Vyvod. Given the chance to free the people there from strife, he and his armies marched for Carpathia. It is uncertain what occurred there, for most never returned, but Decius Pastor, Knight Commander of the Logos, still maintains he receives word from Eyms.

Tuber returned to Hyberboria to a hero’s welcome, paraded through the city on the back of Friendzy. She took the accolades in stride, but set her sights on finding her sister. She soon wandered back into the forest, trying to find any trace of her vanished twin. The Northmen lauded her devotion to family, placing her as a paragon of her people. Legend says she still wanders amidst the forests, and the Northmen leave offerings to her for the protection or safe journeys of family who must travel.

And Mitzusa? No longer satisfied by the scope of the world, she opened a dimension door to the multiverse and never looked back. There were many more worlds to scheme in, many more tricks to pull, and many more taverns to carouse in.

Legend's End
The Age of Mortals

Athena explains the truth of the cycle. When the gods war, one deity ascends and this conflux of powers summons the Primoridial’s champion who resets this world.

The current gods stole their power from the Daughter of the Primordials, Hecate, particularly the Maiden aspect. So that’s why Hecate was doing all this.

But the good aligned gods seek to restore the balance by giving back the power.

Athena says “No doubt you’ve faced the forces of Hades, but have you seen once Zeus take action? I have no doubt that he has made a dark bargain to become the champion of the Primordials.”

The good-aligned deities propose a ritual to transfer their powers to us, we will then be the ones to defend the world. Because we are yet mortal, we may be able to break this cycle because the power is freely given.

When we accept this power, we get a fancy bauble to pop to get one free resurrection. And then most of the gods turn into Cthonic entities. Because why? I don’t know.

Athena tells us that we need to use Poseidon’s corpse as a focus for the ritual. Only thing is we need is a Poseidon’s corpse. He has gone mad with hunger for deity blood.

So we go to kill the Kraken!

The gods are rousing up a rear guard action while we go to fight the Kraken of Rhodes.

After a tense battle in which Tuber turned into a giant eagle and turned Friendzy into a red dragon wyrmling, and Mitzusa drops a blistering 48 fire damage in one turn. Eyms shoots himself into the maw of the Kraken. Electa got swallowed whole.

As we figure out which areas to stab the ritual blades, the gods circle around us to help complete the ritual. The energy forms a ball of energy which we absorb and then our planeswalker sparks get ignited and we see the multiverse, but then the gods get slain and we get pulled back from the ritual only to find Zeus Big Dick being all arrogant. Electa charges Zeus and gets slapped down to 1 hp. Eyms gets impaled on Zeus’s sword. Tuber grabs the corpse and the nearly-dead Electa and tries to fly off. Mitzusa, ever the schemer, tries to appease Zeus, and succeeds, bringing us to full health.

We fight the godflesh golem and win. Mitzusa starts throwing out fireballs like popcorn. Electa uses her giant harpoon…gun to great effect. Eyms drops a 12 dice on a crit. And Tuber sends Hades to Hades with a lightning bolt.

Now the Mortals have Slain the Gods.

Legendary Session 15
Totally Not Vampires, Oh Wait Surprise Vampires!

Legendario: Los Dias del dioses. As we approach the castle, we see resplendent knights and with their leader, in a dragon headed helm. She introduces herself as the Vyvod Livia Rustovich, who wishes to join us in our quest to slay the Gods. She invites us to a feast. Jason goes out of his way to say she’s breathing, so she appears to be not a vampire.

Chained to stakes in the ground, there are four prisoners who have been obviously not treated well. One is a Roman Legion Spy. One is a Weretiger, called a garou. One is a wererat, who is able to speak, and begs for his life. The last is a member Uranian Brotherhood who are trying to “liberate” the lands for the “All-Father”. Livia gives us the choice as to what to do with these prisoners. We give Livia the Spy and the Weretiger, and she impales them. We set the wererat and Brother free to follow them with spies later. Electa goes to follow the rat. The rest of the party goes into castle, and finds another pike with a man who looks strikingly like Livia who has been impaled on said pike, for quiet some time. Yet somehow he speaks. He begs for us to release him. He requires us to kill Livia in order to free him. Eyms walks away from this guy, because he remembers that the old Vyvod was a tyrant. Meanwhile, Mitzusa seems a little more open to gaining a powerful friend in this land. The seneschal ushers us into the castle hurriedly.

Electa goes after the Uranian and finds him entering into a tavern which is stealthily marked with a U. Unfortunately, she fails a con save when she makes the obvious search.

Meanwhile, Livia offers the party owlbear stew (so rich, so hearty, so deliketable) and offers us more titansblood weapons if we can survive the test of the Cathedral of Flesh and the garou who are camped outside. Also, trapped in the Cathedral are Livia’s sister (Ludimilla) and the Unnamed brother.

[Meanwhile, Eyms learns that Owlbears, despite being named as bears, are more closely related to racoons.]

Electa wakes up in a linen shift in a nicer room of the tavern. The Uranian Brother, now named Elias, speaks with Electa and gives her more information about the All-Father; the cult of the All-Father sounds a lot like a cult of Zeus because the All-Father is an enemy of the god of war and god of death. Elias is also revealed as a scion, a hemi-god, of the All-Father. He offers Electa an allegiance.

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Mitzusa and Tuber peruse the library while Eyms learns how to make Owlbear stew and Myconid Pudding. We also get fine riding mounts. Electa returns at this time.

As we travel to the Cathedral of Flesh, we notice that all the creatures here are vile and corrupted, the more corrupt the closer we get to this jagged hill with stones made up seemingly petrified people. The Cathedral is a massive thing, a mountain, yet it seems to be shifting and living.

There is a camp of Lycanthropes in front of the cathedrals with a shrine to Hera in the distance. Eyms strides biscuitfully into the camp to speak to the leader, a weird half-tiger shamaness, and manages to find out that they claim ties to the lands just as much as the Rustovich’s and don’t want to leave. He does intimidate her into letting them into the Cathedral unmolested.

The party reaches the entrance to the door, just a rising column of bones. Tuber strikes it with her Thunder Staff and Eyms cracks it with his Sword of Gods’ Slaughter. The first room is made of giant ribs. Only instead of a giant rib bone, each bone is made up of fused human ribcages. The second room is made of monster bones, which seems to be shifting and moving around. We meet two large malformed bears surrounding a collared owlbear.

We quickly make mincebear of the creatures, and Tuber makes a new friend in the owlbear.. The fourth room is filled with upturned leather furniture that on close inspection is quivering human leather. Hiding in the room we find three men in yellow cloaks. Electa reveals that she has made a semi-alliance with the Uranians, much to Eyms’s befuzzlement. She lets them loose. The door leading deeper in is covered in the strange leather and also has thorns in a strange hand print pattern. It’s a blood passage. We make it through

The next room is filled with sigils that glow with reddish green light. Mitzusa tells us that these sigils are a diary that corroborates a lot of Livia’s story, but is tinged with madness. Eyms assumes it’s Ludmilla’s stories. The story unfolds that there was always internecine fighting within the Vyvod when they weren’t fighting the Things from Beyond the Mountains.

We enter the next room which is filled with musty books and see a seeming-man scribbling with a human finger as a pen. He is touched with madness, and introduces himself as Yuric, the creator of the Cathedral of Flesh. He offers us knowledge in exchange for a chance to feed. Eyms realizes this a vampire and is about to try to smite it when Electa offers up her neck. Yuric lets us know that Koopla is a child of the Primordials (a Titan perhaps?). It it a protector of the children of stone, and the first tribe to offer sacrifices was called Garou. Then the Rustovichs took power.

The All-Father is child of the Primordials who wears the skins of a dead God. But Yuric won’t tell us more until Eyms offers up his neck too when he finds that the dead God was a god of storms. Electa and Eyms get gems. Mitzusa searches the books and finds a Tome of Understanding. Tuber finds Manuel of Flesh Golems.

Tuber and Electa mount up on Friendzy the Owlbear and we enter into a torture chamber. Two ghostly torturers appear and offers a chance to suffer for knowledge or suffer with ignorance. Eyms and Electa choose ignorance, but Mitzusa and Tuber choose enlightenment. They lose a third of their hitpoints and gain the Toughness feat as they go through the ringer psychologically.

The next room smells terrible and we see the cages are lined up against the wall. They are filled with animals in various states of life. When Eyms tries to free a cat from its cage, it disappears and then reappears because oh God why. But luckily Friendzy has a key on her collar.

The next room has 8 polished wooden chairs, carved in different patterns. The only door that appeared had this upon it: “Though the world is but an illusion felt before death, the mind is as powerful as any flame upon it.”

We answer the question and enter a room with a tomb in it. The pillars are carved with reliefs of warriors and before the tomb is a statue of a woman who seems to be asleep than stone, a woman who could be a double of Livia. After dealing with madness, we manage to make it to be in a webbing filled room. At the bottom of the room is a goblin corpse and a beholder corpse that appears to be Vadero, Vaderough, Vaderoh, Badero, and Nansee.

It tells us “The horde must be filled, give or we will take.” Eyms puts his gem into the corpses, and the corpses disappear and all treasure, save a Dick/Deck of Many Things. Electa turns lawful evil, but comes out great. Mitzusa loses all her non-magical stuff and gets dumber, but gets a neat cloak. Tuber gets swallowed into a black gem.

The next room is filled with large bone spears with various victims on the spikes. Four of the victims are werewolves with black fur, two blood knights, and various Romans and others. There stands a man who looks like Livia and Yuric, but who reveals himself to be Livia’s brother. He demands our baubles, but Eyms isn’t having any of it. After nearly dying, the party is victorious.

We move into the next room, which is a treasure hoard. In there is a bag of holding, a hammer of throwing, efreeti chain, mithral armor, and a holy avenger. We also scoop up 10,000 gold of loose ingots.

We solve the next poozle handily.

We enter into another weird fleshy tunnel with weird skulls and moaning faces in the walls. The walls narrow until we reach a part of the passage where a near clone of Livia is there. She holds a crystal ball. We see the spirit of Tuber fly past her. She is melded into the floor of flesh. We ask her where Tuber is. She points to the door. Electa and Mitzusa go a little crazy and Electa kills Ludmilla.

The final room is bare save for a golden statue of a six eyed demon with slots for baubles. And on the floor is ivory dagger. We have exactly six baubles, and slot them in. The statue melts into a golden stair case among the flesh. We enter into a ginourmous room which lacks the flesh and gold motif, but there are platinum walls with typographs.

The typographs read as follows: “The realm is constantly in flux; those that consider themselves god and goddess are touched by the true force of the universe’s creation – the Primordials. Though the Primordials pieced together the world from the tattered remains of its previous incarnation, it is those powerful figures that rise up and claim godhood, constantly rebelling against their ‘makers.’

“God and goddess alike come from different place and time; they found themselves upon what is called Gaia, though they may have survived from the realm before or stumbled here another dimension entirely. For a time they unite, shepherding the apes or amphibians that crawl and teach them to walk.

“There is always peace for a time, as deities plot against each other in the name of virtue and destiny…but peace never lasts. Feeling the Primordials stir, the deities bring their machinations to light. And it is in their conflicts that the Primordials truly gain power, not from without, but from within the gods themselves.

“As gods turn into that which they fear the most, their pawns will rise. The power of the Primordials will live on in their veins, and if the gods do not destroy each other, their childer shall, beginning the cycle anew."

As the party heads further down the tunnel, they find a dragon corpse, wrapped up in rune-inscribed funerary bandages. It is Hecate, but the missing three heads reveal that this is buy one of her tripartite aspects. The aspect we have been fighting has been the Queen, the Mother of Monsters. This dragon is the Crone, and it has been made hidden here. The Maiden form is definitely missing, and we are uncertain as to which is However, the bandages reveal that the Hag has been a source of magic, independent of the Primordials. It has survived for so long that it splintered into the tripartite souls, and that is why it, Kupala, leaks out the Titan’s Blood.

The party, stunned by this revelation, decides to let the sleeping gods lie, and collect up a ton of titan’s blood. How much? Enough. As we do this, Bariq enters in, revealing that he’s been following us all this time. He knocks Eyms to the side with his weird tentacular action. Bariq goes to the Hag’s form, trying to awaken it, flying above it. The dragon stirs and opens its maw toward the Mother’s Chosen, creating a vortex that sucks out all of Bariq’s energy, whipping off his tentacle. What was stolen can be returned after all. Bariq, once the harbinger of the great Mother, is now back to what he started as. A wretched outcast and thief. Eyms is moved by pity for the creature, and lets Bariq back into the party, the poor shell of a man.

Further, Eyms took this knowledge as proof that there was a higher power, a greater ideal than these petty gods squabbling over territories. This Logos has a plan, a reckoning for these coming days. And Eyms is Vengeance, Eyms is the Night, Eyms is a Paladin!

Oh, and then Livia is waiting outside of the cave and offers her aid now that we know what she knows. And then she turns into mist because, Surprise! Vampires!

Legendary Session 14
Out of the Frying Pan

Democritus speaks to us while tending the wounded, letting us know that the world is still out of chaos and we still have Hades, Hecate, and possibly Zeus.

While we deal with this, the red armored folks come charging over the hill. It’s those Zarovich-guys, the forces of the Blood Militant. They request our aid to fight the Forces of the Moon and the Uranian Brotherhood and there’s something weird with Things from Beyond the Mountains.

We are given some Unobtanium in the form of the Blood of Kupala, a Falcon, and an invitation to follow the Northwest Passage.

Mitzusa and Electa are down for going to kill things, but Eyms wants to go ask some questions of Democritus, who is with the Smith friend, who is actually Hephaestus, huh. (I was clearly blindsided by this). Hef, to his friends. He offers to forge weapons from the Kupala blood that would allow us to fight the Primordials (the Things from Beyond the Mountains). These Primordials are going to return and grind this world to dust if we let them.

Electa gives the great idea to take our armies to tear down our enemies. We meet with the generals, and the Northmen, Abderans, and Osterans want to go home, the Marianists are free to come with us, and the Istruans are in it for the money. We take the Marianists with us as a way to build their reps.

Decius Pastor sends a guard of 50 some of the best soldiers to guard our supply train. So we’re on a “diplomatic” mission to get more information. On the roads, our scouts encounter an abomination who the legions can deal with, or we can.

It’s a chimera, and we dispatch it handily.

We meet a group of lycanthropes who call Eyms “the Outcast”. It turns out that they’re fleeing the Carpathians who are driving them out of their lands. Guess the werewolves are worshipers of Hera, and so it seems like they may be potential allies later, maybe?

We get to these giant walls, and more blood knights are there, and we can definitely see that Castle Hunadorum is miles away from the gates. We walk through hamlets from sunrise to sunset, and the people seem malnourished, working themselves to the bone, but there doesn’t seem very much compulsion for them. The soldiers, even them, seem to be compelled to drill, and they fight animated skeletons in Roman armor. It’s like we’re in a call center atmosphere.

They are also fighting against a werebear.

These people are kinda dicks. We get to a tavern and are given a free room. We talk to a worker there, who says that he’s lost many cousins to the Moon-Mad; another worker says that when the new Vyvod, Livia, came into power, she cancelled all debts and says that’s how he came out of debtors prison in the promise to work the land (hence their working).
Livia was born of the noble land, she refused to drink of the corrupted cup.

The Vyvod practices mortal sacrifice to keep the spirit of the land sated. “The Chosen People” are allowed one year of complete pleasure, but after that, they are sacrificed.

The Blood Militant, the army of the land, was formed recently to fight the Moon-Mad whose numbers had swollen. In the past months, it seems the lycanthrope’s numbers have swollen.

A Blood Militant recruit speaks of the Uranian Brotherhood, who promise to free the lands from the tyranny of the sacrifices.

When we arrive to Castle Hunadora, it’s a massive castle that’s been carved from the mountain itself.

Legendary Session 13
Princes of the Universe

Legendary Session 13:
The Fall of Sparta?

Sparta will stand or fall, based on our decisions… and dice rolls.

There is a wave of bloodlust rolling through both sides, and the various priests find that their supplicants are not praying for victory, but for battle.

Vultures, both literal and figurative are circling, awaiting.

It is a blood moon, and even the day clouds are tinged red.

Every so often, there is a sort

Wis or Int +Proficienty, DC 14, +1 for every failure.

10 success wins a battle.

Before the battle, Psuedo-Sulla steps out and tries to parley, but Eyms talks back to him.

The battle soon turns against the Romans as Eyms soon falls prey to the bloodlust. He’s got the bloodlust, just like Columbus. He tells his half-orcs that the Romans called them half-men, and to turn them into literal halves of men. He tells the Abderans that they were called boy-lovers, so take it out on their assholes. The Thracians and half-orcs and the Marianists fall prey to the same bloodlust.

Eventually, the heroes manage to rein in their emotions and turn the tides of their troops; Mitzusa pulls a compression algorithm on the male troops “spears” while Tuber creates water for wet t-shirt contests for the ladies. Hey. Whatever works, am I right?

Mars comes down from skies, and gives the heroes the chance to join or die.

Eyms tells Mars that he’d rather die a man than live as a dog at his feet. Tuber had her monkeys fling poo at him. Mitzusa told him that gods were replacable.

After Electa and Eyms get knocked down to zero hp a few times and we use up all our spell slots and superiority dice and blow our magic items. It’s Tuber, in Eagle form, deals the felling blow. The fallen god tells us we have doomed the world by not following the script. Eyms performs the coup de grace with his Godslayer, which turns into the Sword of God’s Slaughter. With the final blow, Mars/Ares implodes, scattering the crew. The party absorbs some of the energy of slaughter, and Eyms, exposed to this chaos, finds his belief in the great Logos slipping (and his alignment slides into neutral good, almost chaos side). We gain two levels.

Legendary Session 12
Pay the Ferryman

Legendary Session 12: Pay the Ferryman.

With our amassed rainbow coalition legions, we march on Sparta, where we are met by a Spartan messenger, bearing a scroll. It brings news that the Romans have begun their final assault after a failed attempt of diplomacy.

Decius Pastor, the Northmen Council, and the various Legion leaders, are divided upon a course of action. Rome remains a force in the West, and could mount a counterattack if given a time

Legions can send a third of their legions to attack, leaving a sizable force for defense afterwards. Also, the reduced size would be faster to enter the fray, maybe giving enough time for the Spartans to engage in a counter attack.

Full Assault: Slow to get there, where the Spartans may get killed. And also, the legions would likely get hurt.

Send One Whole Legion supplemented by 1/5th of all the legions. It will rely solely on the Spartans for the attack.

When pressed, Pastor says that even if Sulla is slain, there will be more conquerors eventually, but in this time, we’d buy a little bit of time.

We come up with a 4th option, involving sending our Romans in as trojan horses.

Off in the distance, we see a large obelisk standing among several fallen oblesisk. It’s glowing a faint white light. As Eyms approaches the obelisk, he knows it’s an Obelisk of Hera. There is a rustling in the woods, and four people emerge from within, one hunched over and bent. One glares at us, baring a mouth with nothing but the canines. The female is quite beautiful, but is looking through us, not at us. “You should leave,” she says.

Apparently, Hera has been building these obelisks as wards for the great eventuality. (It’s a cut scene explaining the deaths of Aphrodite and Pan in game).

Eventually, we arrive at a really large river, which is strange, because there are normally no rivers here. We find that the river smells clean, but it’s so large it appears to be an ocean. (Mitzusa bottles some of the water). We can find no way across it. As day turns to night, a ferry comes out of the mists, coming from the south. It is manned by a skeleton in armor and a captain’s hat, coming up from beneath the river. It says that we must pay the price of Wisdom, Wonder, and War.

Eventually, we pay the tolls (Eyms and Mitzusa answer riddles, Tuber pays with the knowledge of her spell Call Lightning for a time, and Electa, unbeknownst to the others, has the price of killing Sulla).

The city of the parley site is really depressing, filled with urchins. Apparently, because it has been neutral, it’s been a bad place to live in because no one wants to help them out.

While the party carouses, Electa finds out that the Roman Senate is losing faith in Sulla, especially because there are rumors of Dark Centurions, led by an undead leader, possibly Marius come back from the Dead. Tuber makes an enemy. Mitzusa gets a lover who travels with us. There are new Gods, Eyms finds, who are more of concepts (like the God of Conquest and Mother of Wisdom) rather than actual names.

Sulla arrives, and sends us words to meet in a manse across the street from an abandoned temple of Roman gods.

Clad in glorious golden armor, a red-haired, ruggedly handsome man stands there as we enter. As Eyms approaches him, he recognizes that he radiates a dark aura.

“I appreciate that you have come to parley with honor,” he says. He explains that he is like Sisyphus and the boulder he pushes is the boulder of destiny, and that fate has a terrible destiny for all mortals. War priests have taken the place of Ares’s church. The God of Conquest, who was thought as Mars, but it seems it is becoming greater. (OOC: Xenagos). There is one outcome that must stopped, according to Sulla, is that Mars must not ascend. In order to do so, Mars must have a slaughter. So there are two options, according to Sulla. Defeat the legions, but grant clemency in order to keep the slaughter low, or let Sparta die. Eyms disagrees, and says the only way is to demoralize the Romans to prevent the God of Conquest from trying again. Sulla says he can’t honorably do that. Meanwhile, while the faceoff is happening, Electa decides to pay the ferryman. Roll for initiative!

After we drop Sulla to 0 HP, he turns into mist. Thankfully, Electa had cast a spell letting her track him, and we track him down to his super sekret lair, only to find him in the tentacles of Nega-Bariq. Nega-Bariq knocks Electa out when she tries to attack him for killstealing. He offers us a job again, but Mitzusa gets radiant fireball power from Athena, so Bariq leaves.

2500 exp gets us 50,500 exp
4000 gp
Gladius of Sulla: a short vorpal sword. A Book of Leadership of Influence, .

Legendary Session 11: Manuel of Flesh Golems
or How Long Can a Halfling Hold Her Breast

Legendary Session 11: Manuel of Flesh Golems (or How Long Can a Halfling Hold Her Breast)

So we have slain the dragon, and cowed many of the inhabitants, but we are now at the top of an angry beehive.

We go into a room and it is a treasure room filled with more gold than we’ve ever seen. We manage to cross a bunch of pit traps, only taking minimal damage.

Adjacent is a magical armory, which Electa wanders into like the uncouth barbarian she is, and Mitzusa, distracted by dem titties, mentions, too late, that there are magical guardian armors of helmed horrors. We slay them and earn 2,000 experience for the encounter. Eyms picks up the pieces and collects a complete, if mismatched suit, of adamantine armor. We find an ivory statuette of a dire ram (goat). There’s also a Sword of Dragon Slaying. There’s some Hide Armor +2 which Tuber dons, a Ring of Spell Storing which Mitzusa puts on, and Electa gets a vampiric bow.

We enter the door to the north and find a horrifying operating theater filled with flayed bodies and tinctures all around and the Propnonomnicon. Also, there’s a Manual of Flesh Golems and a Book of Bodily Health. 2 1st Level, 2nd Level, and 3rd level spell scrolls, respectively, and 1 4th and 5th level spell scroll respectively. Mitzusa gets totally engrossed in the book, so Electa straps Mitzusa to her chest where she can snuggle up and keep decoding.

A wizard Timon Baal comes running in while the rest of the party is studying the book, and Eyms tripped him up and put him to the question. The wizard doesn’t know much about the book, except that it is of great evil and vile darkness. He knows of a Shrine of Hecate in this temple, and it’ll will disrupt her connection to her servants.

We enter into the throne room, and disarm the trap. One Statue is a Maiden Fair, One Statue is the Mother, and one is the Crone. Each is a statue of another Goddess, but only one can be purified. Or does it? We manage to try to cleanse all of them, but we only succeed in cleansing one. Meanwhile, Eyms gets his cursed modified, and he gains control of shapeshifiting from Hera for trying to cleanse the altars.

We lead Timon back to his laboratory, and it turns out he should have been named Victor Frankenstein. He promises us to have his flesh golem fight on our side. While the party is arguing about what to do with this knowledge, Timon throws the heart into the golem (because he couldn’t resist) and it… doesn’t spring to life, so Timon is all “Well, shit,” until the golem springs to life with purple light and punches Timon into the wall.

The golem is Hades, and he offers us a job to be his reapers, and that the gods, or “the beings you call gods” [Dun dun dun!] have been fighting for ascension rites, but Hades has been playing the long game all this time and he’s got a long con going on.

We go to a palanthir and we talk to Sulla who is actually rather charismatic. He agrees to parley with us in secret.

Deicide Infinito
The End of Things, Part II

“I don’t think you’ve thought things through,” Aphrodite said, fighting tears as Zeus felled the last of her defenders with relative ease. In preparation for the darkness ahead, the goddess had gathered the strongest of her most devout and encouraged them to indulge in their lusts. In between revelry, they had fortified Cypress for any navy that Ares could muster and had sent diplomats to hammer out peace on the mortal side of things with the Romans. Her divine magic allowed for the opinions of many to be swayed in her favor, and those who held onto contrasting faith were exiled. She thought she was safe, but the King of All Gods did not need a navy to overwhelm her island’s defenses.

Upon a massive kraken, Zeus assailed the island’s fortifications. His own, more destructive magics wreaked havoc upon defenders who did not meet their ends in the gaping maw of the gigantic beast. The city was beset with an army of merrow, nefarious seafolk who worshipped terrible beasts such as the one that was dominated by Zeus. And when the remaining forces retreated to the temple-fort that held Aphrodite and her most loyal retinue, the God-King stepped from the top of the kraken’s head and turned to his own forces.

“I will finish this myself, to show the world the might of my wrath,” he said to the Kraken and its worshippers. It was unclear if he intended the message as a threat to them or prophecy. Sufficiently cowed, the beasts retreated to the sea save for the Kraken, which seemed, for some reason, to consider the statement for longer than the rest. It then sloughed back to its dominion, leaving Zeus to blast open the huge gates of the temple-fort with intense, white-hot lightning. Though the gladiators that defended Aphrodite were among the most fierce in the land, they were not a unified fighting force on par with any legion, and one-by-one were pierced with either his thunderbolt or the trident he wielded in the other hand. Aphrodite’s handmaidens chanted, hoping to unleash misbegotten divine wrath on the tyrant, but to no avail. One thunderclap knocked all of them to the ground, shattering the bones in their bodies. Finally, he approached the altar of the goddess herself. She dropped to her knees, realizing at that moment the futility of both their situations.

“You are doing what has been done numerous times before,” Aphrodite said.

“Coming from you, that is quite the understatement,” the God-King responded, her pleas falling on deaf ears. His arrogance gave him pause, hoping to hear more begging for mercy.

“How can you not see, you are…”

When they did not come, he pierced her with both weapons. He then lifted her up, letting her body become further impaled upon them. Her blood began to drip down them, before he began to chant incantations that were vaguely familiar to the Goddess, in her last moments of life.

“Those words…you mon,” were the last things she said, before he twisted the blades inside her and caused her to scream in pain. The divinity within her form was violently ripped from her, causing much of it to be lost to entropy as the blood that did not land on Zeus blackened. Soon, the tyrant dropped his weapons and let her lifeless body fall to the ground. Placing his hands on his chest, the absorption of her power gave him pleasure he had not felt in millennia.

When he saw how much of her power had been lost, he wondered to himself.

“There has got to be a more…efficient way.”

Legendary Session 10
Your Ass Must Be Dragon.

Legendary Session 10:

We get a messenger from the Scions of the Great Kupla offering us aid for an unspecified favor.
To the East of the Danube, Mitzusa knows there are variants of the Northmen who are rulers of the land who are not neccesarily benign rulers, but who keep things running and possibly truck with malign spirits who maybe require sacrifices of their own people. We ask for more questions for the unspecified favor (we punt the ball for a later session, hopefully for no ill effects)

Outside of Megalopolis, the Gleaming Goat is a tavern that serves as a meeting place for the resistance. Electa and Tuber go scout out the tavern. Electa finds a man who seems to be in charge of the resistance and manages to try a seduction roll which actually works out. She leads him to the Dragon Wagon.

His name is Julius Aurelius Grauchus. He is a spy from the Marian faction. Apparently the city is in chaos. The Praetor Typonhicus, took control of the city with a secret strike. But there is a guerrila resisantcance, but the Romans are trucking with Southern allies who are inhuman and serpentine, and have been setting up shrines to the Cult of Set.

We set up a montage wherein Eyms and Tuber start observing the Romans (and find nothing), and Electa and Mitzusa find sympathetic Greeks who are being flogged and a brothel which has been taken over by Settites.

We find a passage into the fort through the dungeon and we run into a pair of vampires and we find a pair of strange pipes (pipes of haunting) on their decapitated corpses. We climb up the body chute and run into a grand inquisitor of Set torturing a body. Eyms manages to stare it down, and gets a pass up to see Typhonicus. The heroes pass a bunch of really bad shit. Before we get there, Eyms asks for a bath to wash all the shit off of them, and gets led to an indulgence chamber of all the kinds of decadence. It feels as though this decadence is a ritual chamber which is giving power to the dark guards. All the ladies fail their will saves and join the party. Eyms cries sad tears.

We get taken to Typhonicus’s office, and he makes the same Hecate offer that the medusa made. We refuse him again and guess what, he’s a dragon.

He chooses to kill us himself in order to take our experiences into himself. Eyms pops his Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat (luckily the dragon makes its save). But Tasha’s Hideous Laughter rolls it around hilariously until Electa mounts its back. Tuber tries to summon a wolf but gets an awesome Winter Wolf as a creature, which dies in a literal blaze of glory, soaking up a full round of dragon attacks as Mitzusa keeps dropping tons of magic sex missiles (don’t ask) on the creature. Eyms silences the dragon at last, sending him tumbling into the doric or ionic columns, forcing the party to hide out in the treasure room until the next adventure zone.


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